Ring out the old!

It seems to me, by the look of all the status updates and tweets I see from friends, colleagues and other people out there, that we're all ready for the end of 2009.

I know I am!

I thought I'd take a look back at my year, as best as I can recall it, and even the '00s as a whole, as my final blog post for the year and decade. As they say, I'm ringin' out the old.

I began the year with a title promotion at work but a lot of struggles all around me. It felt good to achieve what I did on the Swallow Hill front, not to mention U.S. Pipe. Lots of music surrounded me. I worked my ass off to help with a lot of changes. U.S. Pipe released the album in February, I said goodbye to them after seeing it through. They got the cover of Colorado Music Buzz magazine, was featured in the Westword Backbeat and got a bunch of other great coverage.

The band eventually split in April. My husband was as tired as me and we were ready to lay four years of work to a rest. That's right--four years. U.S. Pipe was born in 2005, the same year we married, but the divorce was final for the music in 2009. I had and still have mixed feelings about it. It became a family for me and was definitely a passion. I'd learned a lot, was proud of what I was able to do, but I'd be lying if I said I was completely satisfied. I really wanted the Pipe to keep going and tour nationally as well as overseas, but my dreams were larger than what was possible in the end. It was good while it lasted, even if there were a lot of frustrations and struggles along the way.

Same story on the Swallow Hill front--but I feel like I've been released from a lot of pressure, even through all the mixed feelings and desire for more. In retrospect, I've learned a lot about myself, but haven't come to any clear conclusions. It's funny how the more you learn, the less you know. I feel like that's so true for me. My ambition can be great but it can bite me in the ass. Sometimes I feel like "career" is overrated. I tried to apply for a job at Target but they wouldn't hire me because they thought I'd get bored too easily. That was the whole point of applying!

I teeter on a line between wanting to be a leader, working my way up some kind of ladder (but as a woman, I definitely feel a glass ceiling) and a similar desire for something less stressful, something simple, where I just show up and it's just a regular deal all the time. There is a conflict between my desire to achieve and my similar desire to relax.

If monotony wins out in the '10s, we'll see.

I worked hard for my dreams and I was able to do a lot of things I maybe thought I'd never be able to do. I saw my writing published in print in Colorado Music Buzz and Pow'r Pickin' magazines. I could have kept going with PP, but I felt like the time for me to perhaps explore other possibilities for my writing had come. I have been searching for these opportunities and I know it's hard to make a living as a writer but I've been able to do it, although at a poverty level in all realness. I've done a whole lot of writing for free but I've also been hired strictly for writing. It's my hope to continue building the portfolio and steadily make more money from it. It would be a great dream fulfilled!

I got to work on my first film this year. Friends of mine finally got enough money together to shoot their film independently. Since I became unemployed the opportunity to really help them came through--another great silver lining to the cloud of my employment history. I have been in a vicious cycle of employment/unemployment in the '00s but I am so happy the timing here brought about this ability. Hired originally as a Production Assistant, my responsibilities grew to include being a Boom Operator, an Extra (twice) and Publicist. It was really a wonderful thing to be able to do and I can't wait to see the end result of the filming process, as well as keep assisting with promotions and marketing!

On more personal matters, I am blessed with a wonderful, supporting husband who loves me truly for who I am. In this day and age of superficiality and greediness, it can be so hard to find a partnership that is true and real. I am so lucky to have a man who really wants to give me everything he can--and I'm not just talking about material comforts. I am hoping to find more paying work not for the desire to buy myself crap, but to be able to have him taste more freedom in his own creativity as a musician. He has worked hard throughout my cycles of feast and famine, and has been able to do more for me than I could have ever imagined.

My in-laws are also so supportive and have helped us keep a roof over our head and food in our bellies. My furry children give me unconditional love as well. The home front is a happy front. It's been a relief to leave some of the work I've had behind, as it's far less stressful. I'm happy even with very little money. My only real hope in looking forward is to just be able to make enough to cover my needs, pay off my debts, as I do still have much to pay. I'm so rich in love and warmth that I can't complain, regardless of the debt.

My life is blessed with wonderful, loving friends and family. I was able to go back home to KY with my husband earlier this year, thanks to my mother's generosity in helping pay for the expenses to travel and such. My nieces are growing like weeds, my mom still wants me to move back and my sister is as spunky as me, still. We McGaugheys truly are Southern sassy people--especially the women. I am fortunate to have been raised by good female role models, as well as male. My father passed away a long time ago and I still think of him and miss him. How he would have been happy for the husband I have.

To those of you reading this--and I have no idea how many do, I'm not really writing this to garner a bunch of attention, this is really a blog for me and for whoever stumbles upon it, in a hope that it will make you feel the sense of what life really is about and being true and authentic to our ordinary yet extraordinary miracle of life--a forum of stream of consciousness filled with my meanderings and reflection--may you be able to move forward, not regretful of the past or holding on tightly to it, just observing it and seeing it for what it is, striving forward and experiencing your present state with as much happiness as possible, savoring every moment, loving those around you and remembering to be kind. Our lives are short, your condition is only temporary. Make the most of it and much love to you and yours!